Saturday, January 17, 2009

PLF Announces its 2009 Scholarship Rules; A Parody

January 2009

"PLF Recipient Etiquette 101, Local 'Central Section' Rules"

(aka, The Seven Rules of PLF Success or Failure)

1. Two words that will likely lead to a follow up scholarship the next year:
Thank you.

2. Four words that will damn near make it certain that you will receive a follow up scholarship the following year:
Thank you very much.

3. Use these Six words and you will automatically be short-listed for consideration for the next TOP $$ PLF Annual Scholarship:
Thank you all for your generosity.

4. You really want to piss us off and put in jeopardy a follow up year scholarship: Use some esoteric rhetorical syntax driven statement other than those words in 1 - 3 above.

5. Don't write a thank you/gratitude letter: Kiss your sorry ass goodbye. You'll be working Dockweiler next summer, will experience hearing loss because of nearby LAX and won't hear us badmouthing you.

6. Mention that you are pre-Med, or in nursing or some other medical related field: Automatic Honorable Mention No Restrictions Scholarship. If you are female and good looking, you will probably also be added to the aforementioned short list.

7. Mention that you are Pre-Law, or a History major or some other Liberal Arts: Don't bother applying for a scholarship. If you are offered overtime at the beach, Take it ! We suggest you also ride the bus or a bike to school cuz you won't be gettin' any PLF Cash !


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